Be Aware of How You Listen to Improve Your Growth

In a previous newsletter we talked about one of three ways of listening, “being with.” What are the other two ways of listening? One is to agree with whatever is being said, and the other is to disagree. We often listen from a standpoint of whether we’re going to agree with what’s being said, or whether we’re going to disagree. This is listening with a filter. It prevents us from being present–or “being with”–the person we’re talking to. Here’s an example. When one of our multi-level clients talks to someone about a business opportunity, one response might be, “Oh, multi-level. That’s a pyramid scheme.” Because they’ve heard something about multi-level marketing before, the client is being present to agree/disagree, not present with the person speaking with them. Or, the response could be positive. “Oh, network marketing, I’ve heard about that.” In this case the client is listening from an agree standpoint, but they still have a filter up. They’re not being present to the person right in front of them.

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What Viewpoint Do You Use: Victim or Responsible?

All of us have a choice in how we look at our circumstances. One choice is the victim viewpoint, the viewpoint that the events in my life are the result of something being done to me. The second is the responsible viewpoint: I am the cause for my experience because of choices I have made. A key distinction when discussing these two viewpoints is that neither victim nor responsible have anything to do with the truth. One way to understand the difference between victim and responsible viewpoints is Read More…


Getting Past Feedback Fears

Recently we discussed changing our perception about receiving feedback in order to better attain our goals. The flip side of this is giving feedback. When we offer thoughtful feedback to others, we can be part of the solution to problems. Yet why do we sometimes resist giving it? And what are some effective ways to present feedback so that others can more easily receive it?

One of the main reasons we resist giving feedback is Read More…

Taking the Fear Out of Change

How do you deal with change? Do you resist it? Do you try to ignore it and hope it goes away? Or do you embrace change?

If there’s one thing that’s true, change is here to stay. Picture yourself in a boat, in a vast ocean representing change. If you become fearful and resist the power of the ocean, you’re going to get crushed. How can you take the fear out of change and manage it so that Read More…

The Power of Possibility

Do you want to open up possibilities in your life?  There are crucial differences between living out of possibility versus probability.

Living from probability takes place when you look at what you are capable of and what you have done in the past.  From this perspective, you calculate whether you think you can do something and whether you can get incremental, or minute, increases for your life.

Living from possibility, on the other hand, is the experience of knowing that you can create incredible results or miracles in your life that have no relationship to what you’ve done before.  When you live from possibility Read More…

Turn Compliance Into Commitment: Promise and Follow-up

Previously we discussed the first two steps required to change a compliance situation at work into one of commitment: conversation for agreement and request. During a conversation for agreement, my task is to discover what motivates the person I’m speaking with. Once I understand this, I propose a specific action that needs to take place within a specific time period in order for the goal to be accomplished. Then I’m ready for the third step: promise.

During this phase I ask my employee if they are willing to carry out this proposal of making two hundred calls in two weeks to reach a 20% increase in sales. At this point I need to hear “Yes, I’ll do it,” or Read More…

Turn Compliance Into Commitment: Conversation For Agreement and Request

How do you motivate people to operate out of commitment instead of compliance? There are four steps to make this happen: conversation for agreement, request, promise and follow-up. In this newsletter we’ll discuss the first two steps, conversation for agreement and request. You can also learn more about this subject in a 52-week course, Eating the Elephant One Bite at a Time (for a free offer, click here and sign up for “52 FREE Weekly Leadership Lessons”).

To follow a previous illustration, if I’m the director of a team of people who needs to create an unprecedented 20% increase in sales, I first need to find out Read More…

Two Motivators: Compliance Versus Commitment

Are you stuck in business relationships in which you’re required to use fear as a motivator? If so, you will be interested in the communication technique, promise and request.

There are many different kinds of conversations between people. Some examples are conversations for fun, description and action. Conversation for action can also be called promise and request. It is a template for communication that creates action with the people around you and with yourself.

To understand promise and request it’s helpful to begin with the notion of compliance versus commitment. There are a lot of places in our lives where Read More…

The Art of Being Grounded and Centered

In our Advanced Leadership course we teach the practice of being grounded and centered. Grounded and centered is something many professionals do whether they are athletes, doctors, sales people, musicians, managers or mechanics.

Being grounded requires clarity of purpose and the cutting away of all distractions. To do this, take Read More…

Helping Others to Clarify Their Intention

If someone’s intention doesn’t match yours then you don’t want to be doing business with them. Why? Mismatched intentions result in conflict. When the smallest obstacle arises, problems will occur, hindering performance. You can either find someone whose intention matches yours, or you can support someone in clarifying their intention.

Let me give you an example. I once did a seminar and said to the participants, Read More…