Be With Listening

By Krystal Zellmer

At the root of success is the ability to be “in relationship” with others. Unfortunately, we are bombarded on a regular basis with how to speak, or how not to speak. Rarely are we given skills on how to listen. In Personal Mastery, we cover three ways of listening.

First is “agree with” listening. Agree with listening is listening to someone even though you have already decided they are right, or that you agree with them. The feeling behind an “agree with” listener is, “I know.”

Second is “disagree with” listening. Disagree with listening is listening from a place of, “It doesn’t really matter what you say. I already know that I do not agree with you.” Needless to say, this is not the kind of audience most people desire.

Lastly, is “be with” listening. Be with listening allows you to actually listen to what another person is saying, rather than just hearing them. It is listening without any of your filters up. There are four ways to engage in “be with” listening. First, simply be present in the moment. This takes practice. Second, notice what your feelings are, that are simultaneously occurring, around what is being said. This allows you to recognize what is going on for you, and put it to the side to become fully present again. Third is something we like to call “clean sheet.” Clean sheet is sweeping the judgment from your mind. Things are always going to come up for you while you are engaging with others. This practice of “be with” listening is just training yourself on coming back to the present with the person in front of you as often and quickly as you can. Lastly, play detective. Let your heart go on a hunt for why you are feeling the way you are feeling. This will also help you in discovering sunglasses attached to those feelings.